Day 245

This morning I ran into a darling little old lady who always makes me smile on a bad day. She was so excited to see me and was very pleased to hear of my college plans and how well I was doing and how much I was growing up. I first met this woman when I was 16 and she has always believed in me and my potential. Having the first person I met in the morning be her, telling me I’ve grown up into such a beautiful young woman just made me grin.

Got some work stuff done, finished How I Met Your Mother (one of my favorite shows of all time) and went to work for lessons. One of the relatively new coworkers has become a good friend of mine and spending the evening talking to him eliminated all my worries. What a great guy, I’m glad to have him around.

Going home to do homework: I have a paper due tomorrow night that I haven’t even started. I’m feeling productive tonight though, so perhaps it won’t be that bad. Long weekend ahead.


Day 244

Had lunch with a friend today to recap on life, it was well needed.

Other than that I’m exhausted from the amount of work I have to do. My health is suffering from stress, sleep deprivation, and the chaos, making my marathon training harder. I have less than 9 weeks left, this CANNOT be happening right now.

Homework is hard but it’s only one class. Work is time consuming and energy draining. I’m trying to get a new job and make sure everything is in plan for starting work at the other pools next week. My room is still an unorganized mess. The search for a more community service oriented job or volunteer opportunity has seemed to hit a few dead ends. I know I’ve dealt with far more before, but for some reason this all feels ten times harder than it used to.

I’m attempting to find a balance, but I feel like I just can’t do it. Very discouraged tonight.


Cut the poison out of your life. No matter what - or whom - it may be.
Jeigo - It’s going to hurt before it gets better (via jeigo)

(via im-not-doing-okay)


Big Moment

Just told my mom I struggle with depression.

I’m so relieved I’m trying not to cry.


Day 243

Woke up late and didn’t make it to class, spent the whole day at home doing online work trainings and watching more How I Met Your Mother.

First day back at pool lessons surprised me with my least favorite class: Parent and Tot (teaching parents how to get their babies comfortable in the water). It’s boring as all hell, but I’m trying to grin and bear it for the next couple of weeks. Probably working on my resume tonight and getting ahead on homework since I have nothing better to do.

I also wrote more in my travel journal today. 20pgs in and I still haven’t quite finished my first entry (Mexico 2013). I think this will be a painfully long process to complete over the next few months.


feelthefearanddoitanyway-x:

This is your Sunday evening reminder that you can handle whatever this week throws at you. Even if school, work or general life isn’t okay, you’ll get through it because you are damn strong and amazing.

(via seenathing)


herdresswhispersreckless:

Life’s too short to hold grudges over petty things.. Love hard, forgive, laugh often and keep smiling … You never know what can happen next. Cherish the moments, look back on the memories and smile.. And if you’re sad just think .. Tomorrow is another blessed day, another new start. Another day to be positive and keep going.

Keep strong please.


prohappy:

take tonight to cleanse yourself, have a bunch of water, take a long hot shower, pluck your eyebrows, clean out your ears, put on some nice smelling lotion, and have a nice rest


When you are in doubt, be still, and wait; when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage.
So long as mists envelop you, be still;
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists as it surely will. Then act with courage.
Ponca Chief White Eagle (via didyougetmytext)

(via will-i-bereadyforthis)


Day 242

Today the depression is worse. I have forced simple interaction with my parents but I really just want to stay in bed all day. I had planned a long run, but didn’t wait long enough to digest lunch and only made it about halfway. The run improved my mood though, which made it possible to go over and socialize briefly at a block party my neighbors were hosting. Now I’m doing homework and taking care of other necessary online business.


A person who has not been completely alienated, who has remained sensitive and able to feel, who has not lost the sense of dignity, who is not yet “for sale”, who can still suffer over the suffering of others, who has not acquired fully the having mode of existence - briefly, a person who has remained a person and not become a thing - cannot help feeling lonely, powerless, isolated in present-day society. He cannot help doubting himself and his own convictions, if not his sanity. He cannot help suffering, even though he can experience moments of joy and clarity that are absent in the life of his “normal” contemporaries. Not rarely will he suffer from neurosis that results from the situation of a sane man living in an insane society, rather than that of the more conventional neurosis of a sick man trying to adapt himself to a sick society. In the process of going further in his analysis, i.e. of growing to greater independence and productivity,his neurotic symptoms will cure themselves.
Erich Fromm (via illuminoumena)

(via fruitloopsncheerioes)


haldlrs:

solar-citrus:

You would be surprised with how many people in your life could be going through depression at this very moment.  People hide it like a paper bag over their heads out of fear of being judged, made fun of, seen as weak, or just not taken seriously.  Depression should not be taken lightly, it holds us down from our purpose and potential in life.  Those who tell you that it doesn’t exist have never experienced depression in their life, therefore not understanding the symptoms and how it’s something that cannot be fixed in a day!  So if you think you are depressed or if you think you know someone else who is, please talk to a friend, a family member, or anyone else in your life that you trust - never overlook the possibility of seeing a doctor for more professional help!!  Your feelings are real, your feelings are shared upon millions.  Don’t hide it, talk to someone about it.  With the right help, you can rediscover your confidence and begin life anew with our undying love and support!

We are right here!!

Well this made me tear up.

(via xero-silver)


Day 241

A brief encounter with my ex over the past few days, though not pleasant, has given me a sense of closure. I don’t want to associate with him anymore, I don’t want to be friends, I don’t want to see his face again. I can live without someone as toxic as him in my life. I have confidence I used to lack, confidence that tells me I deserve better than the way he treats me. I’m glad I’ve gotten to this point and I’m glad I have finally reached the point where I can move on.

But of course, his insults were hard to hear and I could hardly bring myself to do much of anything today except watch the last season of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. I really don’t want to talk to anyone right now. In glad I have good people in my life, but I don’t even know that I’d want that company right now. I’m feeling very antisocial.


Day 240

Slept in a bit, went out for lunch, and chatted with a few strangers on the street. Fairly relaxing start to the day.

Went over to my best friends house for her birthday party with her family, although we spent the large part of the night in her room on the floor by ourselves haha. I’m glad I was there to celebrate and appreciate her 19 years of excellence.

I had the chance to Skype a lovely friend, which granted me much needed laughter and good company in my lonely hour. Glad for good friendships and that I have surrounded myself with good people.


Day 239

Made new friends in drawing class. We are working on basic line drawings and it’s boring but necessary. I hate still life drawing with a passion, but it’s taught me a lot.

Went to work, went for a run, went for a swim, and now just chilling. Trying not to think so much right now.